So, we're done?

It seems that my sweet little boy has decided to self-ween. We introduced milk in the past month a little at a time. It has been nice to allow others to feed him and put him to bed. There have been so rough overnights where I could have Brian take care of him for a bit. That has been wonderful. But the consequence has been that he is transitioning himself right off the breast.

It's sad for me... I wanted to get closer to 2. But the nice thing is it will be an easy, natural transition for him. That's the best way to do it.

I just can't imagine how much I will miss those little smiles,

looking at his tiny little feet and ears and hands while he nursed. I will miss all of that more than I can even say.

But I am lucky that I got it for as long as I did. Fourteen months. They were not easy months. Thrush many times over, plugged ducts, latching issues and so on. But worth every moment.

All that being said I am not completely done yet. He still chooses to nurse once or twice a day and for now I am sticking with that. Maybe it's nature's way of letting me get my head around it. ;D For that I am equally thankful.

Hit tiny ear mark from resting on my arm. 

I'm gonna miss it. A lot. 

I heart my phone

For me it seems that much of Jack and my nursing relationship happens at night. Maybe it just seems that way since it's harder to get woken from a dead sleep to nurse versus a mid day snack. Anyway... At 1 or 2 or 3 am feedings one of two things is likely to happen. Early on I read on my Nook or watched tv but now that would just keep the beeb awake longer. So now, those two things are falling half asleep in my hand OR playing on my iPhone. It's usually the latter. Matching with friends, Bag It, Angry Birds, Castle Story, Subway Surfers, Ruzzle and on and on. I've paid bills, done research, ordered wipes or nursing bras ( I think I heart amazon just about as much as I heart my phone!). There is so much in this handheld device to keep me busy. Right now I am rocking jack and typing. So this got me thinking...

What did nursing Moms do before i Phones??? My mom talks about when we were little and hating that the "broadcast day" ended at midnight. I don't think anyone in this generation even knows what a "broadcast day" is! So no phone, no computer, no tv. Yikes! I am not half as attached to my electronics as most people but I can't imagine.

So I declare that my favorite "nursing accessory" isn't the Boppy, or my beloved Aiden and Anais blankets or even my glider chair. It's this phone. Thank you I phone! 

Thrush is a dirty word

It's back... the thrush that is. Technically thrush (or what causes it) is always there but we are having yet another surge of it. I wasn't even done my course of treatment when it started flaring. I have tried everything. Nystatin, Diflucan, Gentian Violet, Vinegar rinses, sanitizing, supplements, and on and on.

This weekend I decided to take some advice that I read on several websites of microwaving your bra to kill the yeast. I carefully read how long and at what power. I felt like it wasn't the best idea but I read it on like 10 web sites. I put the bra in, fired up the microwave and sat down at the computer for a few minutes. I started to smell and weird smell so I opened the microwave to find my favorite nursing bra in a puddle of melty ooze on the microwave tray. (I seriously wish I had the presence of mind to take a picture!) The smell that crept through our house was nothing short of noxious. We rushed the kids upstairs, opened the house and used every fan to air out the house (not sure why we have like 8 fans but thank God we do!).

All I could do was cry. I was tired, desperate and grasping at straws. We had to throw the damn microwave away because the smell was going to disperse every time we used it. I was so pissed. The girls have told me about a hundred times since then NOT to put things in the microwave other than food. I guess you have to have a sense of humor about it.

So now I have a new microwave


And a new plan of action for getting rid of the beasty thrush


And a new course of oral diflucan for me. I am praying/hoping/begging that this does it. This is the point at which I think the nursing gets easier. We're on a better schedule. Our latch is good. We're hitting our rhythm. Thankfully both doctors offices have been awesome about treating it and never mentioned the "W" word (weaning). I'm very thankful for that!

Babies first bottle

I was a little reluctant to introduce a bottle this early for fear of nipple confusion. We have had so many bumps in the road with nursing that I didn't want to add one more thing to the mix. Unfortunately I was in so much pain from the thrush last weekend that I could only feed him on one side and pump the other side. So we decided to try out a bottle.



My stress was very quickly diminished when he took the bottle like a champ and got back on the breast with no problem at all!

NOT Mastitis

It turns out my mastitis wasn't mastitis after all... it was worse. After treating it as mastitis for four VERY painful days (at one point I had to exclusively pump on one side because the pain was unbearable) the mastitis was no better and no worse. It really should have gone one way or the other. I did some online research and called my doctor. Turns out we are on round three of this thrush infection. It started with the antibiotics that they gave me during the c-section.

The thrush had spread to the ducts and it was about twice as painful as mastitis (which I had with the girls). We had to restart the Nystatin for Jack and I am now on a topical treatment and Diflucan. After three days of this I am starting to feel better. I can now nurse on both sides and I feel like I can breath again. I spent most of last Saturday and Sunday crying from the pain (and I have a high pain tolerance) so it has been downright awful. I truly understand why so many people quit nursing when they deal with all these lousy things.

So it looks like maybe we are turning a little bit of a corner. I am working on getting my supply straightened out again. Seems like I got all out of whack. Just happy to feel more like myself!

Just awesome

Just as I thought we were turning the corner with nursing we took a complete nosedive. It started with his growth spurt. That got us all out of whack. Then he had a few nights with longer sleepin spells which led to engorgement (again!).

On Friday I was having pain in one side of my right boob. By the time I woke up yesterday I was miserable. Red splotches all over my boobs, horrible pain, pins and needles prickly feeling, aches, etc. Double freaking mastitis. I had it with the girls and that time I had a 103 fever. Fortunately this time I know what it is so I got on top of it sooner.

So i have spent the past two days feeding, pumping, massaging, applying heat, smelling like cabbage (from putting in my bra, more fun) and mostly crying. Today has been a little better, but still not great. I have an insane week so I'm praying for a huge difference by tomorrow!

Time to write

For the past few days I keep having fleeting thoughts of things I want to write about. Either I try to sit down and type one handed (to no avail) or I just can't find the time. Just as quick as the idea's come... they escape. Here I find myself with five spare minutes to write and ideas are completely escaping me. So I guess we will all have to settle for another random jumbled updates.

Nursing - Who ever wrote the book that nursing is easy, and natural and shouldn't hurt... well they lied through their wicked teeth. It's hard and it hurts and it consumes an insane amount of time. I am so thankful that I am able to do it but I feel like I got sold a false bill of goods. I am four weeks in now and I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. He is latching better. The thrush is getting better. Getting him to latch on takes just a couple seconds now. HOWEVER... it still hurts. He still eats every two and half hours or so round the clock. It seems like he always wants to eat when it's time to go to the bus or get the girls off the bus. I know these things will get easier in time so I am resigned to being as patient as I can be.

Sleeping - The second night home from the hospital Jack slept for almost five hours straight. Unfortunately... another false bill of goods. We have had a few good nights here and there but he is either up to eat every couple of hours or he wakes up and decides he doesn't want to go back to sleep. When the girls come bouncing in at 7am I resemble a zombie (obviously the slow moving variety).

The girls - They are really transitioning very well. They drive me nuts wanting to hold him and they do wake him every time he falls asleep but the insanity that I expected has been minimal. They really love him and are starting to be very entertaining to him.

Jack - He is starting to have longer spells of being awake and alert. He LOVES to be help and rocked and cuddled. The boy is very happy if you hold him all day long. He is having some issues with his tummy. I am not sure yet if it's reflux (like Grace had so horribly) or he is having an issue when I drink milk. He has the gas, gunky eyes (STILL! it's been a couple weeks) and fussiness so I am wondering if it is milk. Today began the official milk strike (for me) so we shall see.