So, we're done?

It seems that my sweet little boy has decided to self-ween. We introduced milk in the past month a little at a time. It has been nice to allow others to feed him and put him to bed. There have been so rough overnights where I could have Brian take care of him for a bit. That has been wonderful. But the consequence has been that he is transitioning himself right off the breast.

It's sad for me... I wanted to get closer to 2. But the nice thing is it will be an easy, natural transition for him. That's the best way to do it.

I just can't imagine how much I will miss those little smiles,

looking at his tiny little feet and ears and hands while he nursed. I will miss all of that more than I can even say.

But I am lucky that I got it for as long as I did. Fourteen months. They were not easy months. Thrush many times over, plugged ducts, latching issues and so on. But worth every moment.

All that being said I am not completely done yet. He still chooses to nurse once or twice a day and for now I am sticking with that. Maybe it's nature's way of letting me get my head around it. ;D For that I am equally thankful.

Hit tiny ear mark from resting on my arm. 

I'm gonna miss it. A lot. 

Our time in the NICU

One of the hardest experiences of our life as a family was the time we spent in the NICU. We were only there for a meager two weeks, which pales in comparison to the months and months that some people are imprisoned there. My heart aches for those people. I know that only two weeks there was enough to temporarily break my spirits. I don’t know how families manage endless months.

The girls were headed to the NICU before they were even born. Because of my gestational diabetes we didn’t have a choice. Couple this with Abby’s diagnosis of brain malformations prior to birth and it really was a no brainer for the doctors.

Abby’s Apgar was very low at birth. Once she was born she was very quickly raised above the sheet just long enough for me to see her tiny blue body. She was then taken to her incubator where five or six doctors and nurses began working on her. Grace came next and she was a little bigger and a little pinker. She even made a little kitty cat meow. I remember thinking over and over “why aren’t they crying” and “why are there SO MANY doctors working on Abby “ and “where are they taking them” even though I knew.

At that point a cyst burst inside my belly and I only remember bits and pieces of the next 12 hours. Once stable I was taken to see the girls in the NICU but sadly I have little memory of it. For the next almost 24 hours I wasn’t able to visit them. I got reports from Brian and our parents and I called the NICU nurses around the clock to see how they were.

They showed no signs of sugar trouble from my diabetes but began showing other problems almost immediately. Grace was too “breathy” for the doctors tastes. She also became jaundiced quickly. She dropped weight quickly. Because she was only 5 pounds 14 ounces at birth the docs didn’t want her to lose too much. Abby was also jaundiced and lost a lot of weight (equally bad because he birth weight was 4lbs 14 oz). The biggest problem she had was not being able to master the suck, swallow, breath reflex. Because of that she ended up with an NG tube in her nose. It was so hard to see such a tiny person struggle that much. The tube made her gag and cause so much mucus in her throat she could barely breath. It was awful.

After a week the doctors decided that Grace and I were stable enough to go home. I felt lucky that my issues during delivery were enough to keep me with the girls that long. That day we make the painstaking journey home with only one of our babies. It was heart wrenching. We knew it was only for a brief period but after everything we had been through to not come home as a family was a slap in the face.

At that point we had to coordinate being at home with Grace but visiting Abby at the hospital. No matter where I was I felt like I was missing out. It felt so torn. It was NOT what you expect in those first few weeks of life.

She finally began to eat a little and got her weight up to five pounds. She needed to be five pounds to be able to come home in a standard car seat. She finally passed the apnea test and was able to get her NG tube out. Each day we went to the NICU hoping and praying that today would be the day. We watched her go from her private room, to the main NICU and eventually to the step down nursery. Then they sent her home.

I have never heard more beautiful words in my whole life that “today you are ALL going home!” 

Five Months Old

Our littlest monkey just turned five months old. We had some suspicions he would officially reach "moose" status at his doc appointment but I was shocked. He is 24" (5th percentile) and 14.5 lbs (18th percentile). He was nearly as big as we expected. In fact he fell off of his growth curve a little. The doc isn't terribly concerned since you have to look at several months of data to see trending. Hopefully at his next visit in six weeks he will pick up steam a little bit.

At five months he is smiling, laughing, starting to roll side to side and using his hands with increasing success. He can put his own pacifier in his mouth about 50% of the time. He is the most happy, smiley, laid back child I have ever been around. He is content to lay on the floor or sit in the swing for an hour at a time. He is amused by everything and everyone. He has barely a shy bone in his body.

Sleep changes from week to week. Just about the time he gets sleeping close to eight hours we will hit a spell of sleeping in only four hour spurts. But he generally eats and goes right back to sleep so I can hardly complain.

Eating continues to go well. I am still nursing him and he is a breast feeding rock star. He eats quickly and efficiently. We started rice cereal at 4 months and have since added applesauce, pears, sweet potatoes, squash and bananas to his repertoire. Being able to eat food has made Jack and even happier baby.

We are blessed. He is an amazing baby and makes life so complete!

Nursing

When I was pregnant with the girls I was HELL BENT on nursing them. I bought every nursing pillow and aid for nursing. I read every book on nursing and nursing twins. I got my hands on a good pump AND rented a hospital pump for the first month. I was SURE I was going to be able to nurse my girls for a long while. After they were born that dream slowly unraveled. Between feeding tubes, my milk not coming in, an extended NICU stay and other factors I ended up only being able to pump and supplement with formula. I was close to devastated that my dream didn't work out. Because I required IVF and a C-section that was going to be the ONE THING I could do "naturally".

When I got pregnant with Jack I decided that I was going to nurse but I was going to take a much more laid back approach. I read a great book that made nursing sound a lot more natural and easy than the books I had read in the past. I got my Boppy ready but also bought some formula just in case.

Within minutes of Jack being born the boy was ready to nurse. He was rooting and sucking like a mad man. Because I struggled with the anesthesia I wasn't able to nurse until I got into my room which was hours after he was born. Thankfully he started to nurse like a pro.

Since then nursing has been both way easier and way harder than I anticipated. We've hit some bumps in the road like thrush, engorgement, horrible pain, problems latching and being exhausted from doing every single feeding. The great parts have been a baby who shows awesome feeding cues and is a great eater. I knew nursing was a time investment but that was an understatement. Some days it feels like all I do is feed him. I am just so thankful that I am getting the chance to do this one "normal", "natural" thing. IVF and C-section aside my body is cooperating with this one part.

Ready to meet him

When I was at this point in my pregnancy with the girls I remember being so excited to meet the girls. I spent hours thinking about what they would look like, what their personalities would be, who they would become. This time around, while I am totally excited to meet him, I feel like we are taking our time a little more.

I guess we realize that this is the last pregnancy and this will be the last baby. Because of that we have to slow down and take it all in. We now know that we will survive the sleepless nights. We are capable of having a life with kids in it. All of those anxieties from the first time around don't exist with a third child. I find that part of it just delightful.

I feel like this time around we get to use our wisdom and experience and try to enjoy it a little more. We also have the wisdom to know just how fast it all passes by. That in the sleepless, exhausted haze you can almost forget the smell of a new baby. I refuse to let that pass me by this time around.

So I am totally ready to meet him but I am also very happy to enjoy this moment, before he is here. I know that soon I won't be able to even remember what life what like without him.

Short changed

I have been working on putting together a registry for the new baby. I wasn't planning on it but after the third person asked where I was registering I figured I might as well put one together. So I sat down on my computer and started perusing the Target web site. I was immediately taken back to when I registered for the girls. I spent hours pouring over every single detail. I registered at two places and registered for every little thing I could possibly need.

This time I found the experience SO different. First I was incredibly overwhelmed as I remember how many things we would need for this baby. Buying all of the baby needs was so fun the first time around. Now I feel like I just see dollar signs. I guess it's because I now know the realities of raising kids. It's not all cute bedding sets and the perfect combination of swings and bouncers.

The second thought that came to mind was that this poor kid is going to get short changed in these areas. Being the first babies, and being twins, and being born to infertile parents made for the perfect storm of shopping, planning and decorating. For this baby... I am not guessing the nursery will be looking perfect when I still have two months left to go.

Hopefully he will never notice the lack of baby pictures compared with the girls six million. I know that I am going to have to make a concerted effort to not miss the important stuff. I just pray that I have the energy to finish a nursery and get everything we need in time.

The Nap Nanny

Where the heck was this when I needed it: The nap nanny?????????

For a mere $130 I could have had reflux free, ear infection free sleep.

I could have written this myself

Ok, well maybe not as eloquently. :D

18 Month Sleep Regression


Sorry to those of you who have kids under 18 months. It's gonna get rough, but it looks like it will pass. Thank God!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Erin for the url. That blog is awesome.

Two steps forwards...

And apparently 12 back. I had two good nights sleep out of the girls and then last night it all went to hell. One or the other of the girls was up every hour including needing cups of milk and holding. I was about ready to pull my hair out. Don't these kids realize they NEED sleep???

Never Thought I'd Say That

As a Mom there are many things I never imagined myself saying. Here are a few of my recent standouts:

- We don't eat food off our feet.

- Don't lick the dog... again.

- We don't lick cars. (what the heck is the deal with licking everything?)

- Geese are not toys.

- Stop snapping my bra straps. (At least I never thought I would say this to my daughters.)

- Nice sisters don't bite their sisters toes.

- We don't fling poop in this house. (I was talking about a poopy diaper in the girls defense.)

- Butts are not toys. (Don't remember the context of this beauty.)

- Yum... mommy loves tofu, so should you. (Mommy does not love tofu.)

- Sidewalk moss is not yummy.

- Eww... licking eyeballs is gross.

- Don't throw the dog.

- Please put the gun down. (Gracie LOVES to play with the boys toy guns.)

Do you see a couple of pretty disgusting trends here??? I sure do.

16 Months Old

Yesterday my "babies" turned 16 months old. Hard to believe that it has been so long since they were still in my tummy... some days I miss that.

Here is what the girls are up to at 16 months.

Gracie: My deal little Gigi, what can I say about her. I think she is more monkey than girl. She spends her days jumping, running, climbing, disassembling the house, shrieking and throwing things. Sounds like she'd be in trouble a lot but she is so damn cute it's hard to be mad for long. She does have time outs almost daily in her crib for some of her antics. On the whole she is a VERY happy young lady... wild, but happy.

She has something like 10 or 11 teeth including 2 molars. She is now weighing in at 20 1/2 pounds. She is still tiny but growing. She is eating terribly. She throws more food than she eats and has gotten super picky. She sleeps great. If she had her own room I swear she'd sleep over 12 hours at night. She is now saying Dada, Dog-dog, Yay, Ba-Ba and Go. She can sign bottle, more and water. She really isn't all that into signing. Despite being so wild she is really a girl-girl. Today we bought her a tutu and pink sparkly leg warmers.

She is sweet as pie to her sister; bringing her food or her cuppy. She pats Abby on the back when she cries and rubs her face when she's tired. We are being careful not to let Abby get too dependent on Gracie doing things for her. Wouldn't be good for either of the girls. Gracie might be a bit of a hell raiser but when Gracie smiles it is like the whole world gets a little brighter.

Abby: And on to Miss Abber. Abby has traded in her permanently laid back personality for a much feistier version of herself. She is still more mellow than her sister but has by far more of a temper than we thought she'd have. She is sweet and smily most of the time but you don't want to cross her. She is now crawling, pulling to stand and starting to cruise furniture. It may not sound like much but we didn't think we'd be this far at 16 months. We just ordered a walker for her (more info to come on this topic). Not a baby walker but a therapeutic walker. Hopefully it will get her on her feet by 2.

Abs now weighs just under 18 pounds and isn't gaining weight well. She has 12 or 13 teeth, also including molars. She is still wearing her 9 month clothes but might hit 12 months by the end of winter. She can only say basically one word but it means many things. Her sound DADA means Daddy, dog-dog and duck. She occasionally says baba but not often. She can sign More, Bottle, Cup, Food, Water, Thank You and is starting to sign Mommy & Daddy. She loves to sign.

Abby adores her sister. She follows her around and rubs Gracies curls when they sit together. They now make each other laugh which is an incredible sound. Abby doesn't "care" for Gracie the way Gracie does but they depend on each other so much. As soon as Abby gets up in the morning (she is the first up) she has to look in on Grace before we leave their room. It is truly sweet.

So that's where they are at. Who'd have thought I'd be here a couple years back. Never thought I would make it to this point. Even though my battles, losses and infertility seems like light years ago it also feels incredible fresh in my mind.

Utensils

This might make me a little crazy but I decided it was time to start introducing utensils. I bought a few different kinds of toddler utensils figuring they might play around and make a mess. I expected a few months until they got any in their mouths. I have let them play with them at the end of meals but never tried actually using them. This week I decided it was time to give it a whirl. I made sweet mashed potatoes and put some on a spoon for each baby. I was shocked that they managed to maneuver them with little problem. Gracie definitely got the prize for best utensil eating... the kid was a pro. Abby will need more practice, but they did great.

Teeth Brushing

I read somewhere that you should start babies brushing their teeth as soon as they have teeth. I am a little OCD about brushing my own teeth (like 5 or 6 times a day) so of course I followed this closely. All I have to do is give them their brush with a little toddler paste (no fluoride) and they actually brush.

"Fun" with poop

Ok, so I know that my blog is a little "cute baby story" intensive lately... I swear I am not one of "those Moms." But here is just one more that is too funny not to share. Gracie has been a little poop monster lately (not sure why, we're seeing her GI this week). We were heading out and had the girls all dressed, diapered and ready. I put Gracie in her car seat and smelled "the smell". I knew we had a poop situation so I went to look in her diaper. I didn't even need to move the diaper b/c there was poop all over her, her carseat and ME! Yuck!

So I grabbed out of the car and headed for the sink (where we bathe). I laid down a towel, stripped her down, wiped what I could and started the sink. I look over at her just in time to catch her piddling like a puppy on the floor. We have tiles in the kitchen so the poor kid slipped in her own pee and fell on her naked hynie. I grabbed her before she hit her head, wiped up the pee with the towel and turned back to the sink. I turn to Gracie again and she pees on the floor AGAIN and slips AGAIN. At this point I am between laughing and crying. The kitchen is covered in pee and all the while we are trying to hurry up and leave. Once I got her in the bath Brian brought Abby back in and helped clean up the kitchen and dress Grace so I could get out of my poop covered clothes.

So when people wonder why I (the previous queen of being early) am ever late... don't wonder. This is my life. ;D

Stats

I weighed the girls the other day and thought I would share. Gracie is weighing in at 19lbs 4 ounces (14th percentile). She is currently wearing mostly 12 month clothes. Being that she is 13 months I still can’t get her into about 2/3 of the summer stuff I bought them. I thought for sure they would be in more like a 12-18 month than the 6-12 month… who knew?

Abby is still only 16lbs 12oz (<5th perc.). We are wondering if our little peanut will ever grow. ;>) She wears mostly 6-12 month and her jimmies are 9 months. She is so tiny that she has been in the same size clothes for months. We get a lot of mileage out of the clothes we have but I bought stuff way too big overall.

Bumps, Bruises and Fireworks

We started out yesterday morning like any other morning. Woke, fed babies, started Abby's PT. During the course of PT Abby was particularly wobbly and fell... TWICE. The poor thing was looking at me like I was some sort of ogre. They weren't hard falls but she was still pissed. Then Grace was pushing her on her car (see below). Grace tried to push her up onto the rug, got stuck and Abby fell and nailed her head on the wood floor. She was hysterical. Then not 20 minutes later all four of us were playing on the floor when Gracie tried to walk to the coffee table (yup, she's almost walking). She got overconfident and tried to go to fast and nailed her head on the coffee table. She got a cut under her eye and now has a shiner (again... see below). So all in all it was a great morning.

Then we had a cookout at Bry's parents house in the afternoon to celebrate the fourth. It was a nice quiet dinner and the girls were very well behaved.

Afterwards when we came home someone in our neighborhood was lighting fireworks so we took the girls out to watch them. They were really liking it... far away. Bry had fireworks from Myrtle Beach (ssh... it's illegal in NJ) so he got the idea to light off a couple for the girls. The first ones were quiet and bright so they girls liked them. The second ones were VERY loud. As soon as the first one boomed both girls started screaming. The good thing is that we realized we made the right decision not taking the girls to the big fireworks this year.

Baby's first shiner:



Driving our car:

This weeks appointments

We have another appointment happy week (as always). Our PT got moved from Tuesday to Thursday afternoon so we have that. Thursday morning we have our 12 month visit with the pediatrician. I have not been blown away by the care we have been getting. For a typical child they would be fine but with Abby's special needs I feel like our pedi should be the person overseeing her other doctors. We have all these specialists looking at their particular piece of the puzzle but no one seems to be watching the bigger picture (except us). Our neurologist does a nice job of watching over some other aspects of her care, but not all. I am going to lay it on the line. If I don't get the answers I want I am going to switch to a pedi at the hospital. We also have to have the big vaccine discussion. I know that there is a lot of controversy surrounding the long term implications of so many vaccines but for us I think we need to delay / separate our vaccines. I have been doing a ton of reading and I think that is what is best. I don't think the pedi is going to be thrilled with that request.

Friday we go back to the ophthalmologist for Abby. Her left eye is turning in a little so I am afraid that he might want her back in glasses. It has been so amazing having her out of the glasses that I pray we never have to go back.

Other misc. crap... still no fridge (been almost 2 weeks without one) so I am pissed about that. The girls big birthday bash is Sunday and I still have about six thousand things I need to do. Work is insane right now. Bry's work is insane right now. One of these days we will find five minutes to breath.

A Little Better

Luckily Gracie woke up with her eyes looking perfect... perhaps the pink eye was not really pink eye or perhaps Neomycin is a miracle drug. Either way I am happy. Today we noticed that Gracie had cut a top front tooth, hence the fever. So for two babies we are up to a tooth count of 9. I have to say though that this teething stuff is for the birds. I never gave teething a lot of thought until now. I know when I have bad tooth pain I feel like I am on deaths doorstep. These poor little creatures suffer from tooth pain on an almost constant basis and our docs are telling us that they will be fine just give Tylenol on occasion. I know that if I had teeth breaking through my sore gums and you tried to only give me Tylenol I would want to punch someone.

I just wish there was more I could do for the poor little things.

Homemade Food

I do not mean to sound like some crunchy granola MoM here because that I am not but since the girls have started solids I have committed to making most of their baby food from scratch. They still get some jarred food (when Mommy is lazy or tired) but we try to do most meals homemade. It was so easy at first when they just ate fruits and veggies. Now that they eat meats, pasta, rice, etc. it has gotten a little tougher. Meeting the likes and dislikes of two can be a challenge. Then you add Abby's milk allergy to the mix and it can be downright hard to mix things up. Right now our faves are toast with soy cream cheese, soy yogurt with fruit, avacados and chicken, sweet potatoes and banana and organic waffles. It is fun to play around with different foods and recipes but they seem to like about half of what I make. :>)

One of those days

It was both a very nice and a very taxing day rolled up into one messy little package. I will start with the good. My cousin Ash, who is more like my sister than my cousin, came for a visit today. Seeing her is always so refreshing and wonderful. She is such a nice person that it is wonderful to be around her. She gets her kind soul from my Aunt who I also love more like a Mom than an aunt.

And now for the shitty parts of the day. We started the day early so I could clean, get dressed, feed the girls and get ready to meet our new physical therapist. My Mom came all the way over at 9:30 to help with Gracie so I could pay attention to Abby and the therapist. Well, the woman never showed and didn't call either. Needless to say I was pissed and frustrated. I called our case worker to find out why and she is on vacation until next week. I am pissed b/c they told us to cut off our PT services that we were paying for so we could do EI and now the kid is getting NOTHING.

Tonight we went to Genna's choral concert at her school. The concert was wonderful but afterwards a couple kids made comments about Abby's eyes and her looking "funny." I really wanted to deck the kids, I know this is mean but I honsetly wanted to punch the kid and the parents for not telling their little brat kids to shut there traps. Then when we got to my Moms after and were eating dinner she told me that her hick neighbor asked today if Abby was retarded. I had to turn away so that no one could see my tears. I mean what the hell is wrong with people? Who asks such a question? Why in the hell does everyone feel the need to comment on my child? I know that no one has any idea how hard this has been and how hard I have had to fight for this kid but come the hell on. Just know when to shut your fricking mouth. It is just so friggin hard to be a good Mom and meet the needs of my kid while I have people sneering on a daily basis about what might be wrong with her. I am so sick and tired of putting up with other people shit. I have dealt with it from strangers, family members, neighbors, etc. People act as if I am some stupid twit who knows nothing and is blind to my kids problems. Have I ever once not been forthcoming about what we are dealing with. I think it is obvious by the 6 million doctors appointments that I torture this kid with that I am on the ball about it. I am trained in psychology after all. I guess my masters degree doesn't make me any more knowledgeable than the hick next door.

Sorry for the rant, thank God for blogs. Man it has been a long day.