The end of an era

My little man if officially weaned. It wasn't my choice... it was his.

We came home from vacation and he had just decided that he had enough of it. I nursed less on vacation than normal and I think that probably did us in. When we got home he went back to nursing 2-3 times a day for a week or so. But then he made it official. For two days straight he refused to nurse. He was taking a bottle so we don't think it was ears or teeth or pain. I think he was just ready.

I tried to keep at it but he was done. I had to bite the bullet and be done. So he is completely weaned and seems very happy about it. I was very, very sad at first since I was shooting for closer to two. The nice thing is that there was no long drawn out process. He didn't fight it. It was just over. Just like that. And that's good.

Doesn't mean I don't miss the snuggles, the excuse to have a nice sit a few times a day, the bonding time... I complained but I loved it.

I am still calling it a success. Almost 16 months is probably better than most. It wasn't easy but it was so worth it.

Breast feeding update

So maybe we're not weaning? Baby boy has no clue what he wants to do now. Some days he nurses 3-4 times and others just once. Not sure why my body is choosing to cooperate with this but for now it is. So at almost 15 months I'm not sure which direction we're heading. I am trying to be patient and follow his lead. I am also making sure that I am not taking the easy way out. After 15 months of nursing it's exhausting. Bottle feeding is easy. But I won't let easy get in the way of what's best for his health.

So, we're done?

It seems that my sweet little boy has decided to self-ween. We introduced milk in the past month a little at a time. It has been nice to allow others to feed him and put him to bed. There have been so rough overnights where I could have Brian take care of him for a bit. That has been wonderful. But the consequence has been that he is transitioning himself right off the breast.

It's sad for me... I wanted to get closer to 2. But the nice thing is it will be an easy, natural transition for him. That's the best way to do it.

I just can't imagine how much I will miss those little smiles,

looking at his tiny little feet and ears and hands while he nursed. I will miss all of that more than I can even say.

But I am lucky that I got it for as long as I did. Fourteen months. They were not easy months. Thrush many times over, plugged ducts, latching issues and so on. But worth every moment.

All that being said I am not completely done yet. He still chooses to nurse once or twice a day and for now I am sticking with that. Maybe it's nature's way of letting me get my head around it. ;D For that I am equally thankful.

Hit tiny ear mark from resting on my arm. 

I'm gonna miss it. A lot. 

Sad but true

Breast feeding truly is a journey

At eight months Jack is still breast fed 100%. Obviously he is now eating baby and table food but he gets no formula. Aside from the 10cc's he got in the NICU (which for some reason still bugs the crap out of me) he has never had formula. I am in no way shape or form "against" formula (my girls were formula fed) I just wanted to nurse this baby... desperately.

For me it was my one shot at doing things "naturally". Getting pregnant required rounds and rounds of IVF's. Not only IVF but IVF with assisted hatching and ICSI. Staying pregnant required antibiotics, injections, medications and every pregnancy I have ever had (three in total) resulted in some for of loss. (First one was miscarriage, then the girls triplet, then Jack's twin.) Both of my deliveries were rough C-sections. Then I tried like hell to nurse the girls but my milk never came in. So this was my shot at doing a crunchy, granola, naturally maternal thing. I wanted it SO bad.

So, when I got horribly painful thrush in my milk ducts I thought it wasn't going to work. I somehow got through that (the worst pain in my life... worse than a cesarean) I have plugged ducts twice. So the fact that, at 8 months, I am still nursing is HUGE for me. I am guessing that some day I will look back on my nursing journey and it will barely be a blip on the radar. It's a small things for a small period of time. But for me it is something big. An accomplishment I didn't think I was going to get.

**The post nursing milk coma

There is something so special about those little moments. When his hand finds my face and he just rubs. Getting to cuddle him tight at 3 am. Being the one person who can make him feel like everything is right with the world. It's a special bond. 

Not sure when the journey will end. I set periodic goals. First 6 weeks. Then 12. Then 6 months. Now a year. With the year closing in I am guessing I will keep going... at least with a couple of feedings a day. I am guessing when the journey comes to an end I'll know it's time. So until then, yay for nursing mothers! :D

**I love the little mark his ear leaves when he rests on my arm. :D

It's back...

The thrush! :(

I woke up this morning and my face felt a little better. I thought to myself that it was probably wise to do as the doc asked (not trust my gut) and do the very low dose, very short course of prednisone. Within an hour or waking up it became apparent that the thrush was back. I quickly went from patting myself on the back to berating myself for NOT trusting my gut. So I guess the steroid did exactly as I feared and brought the thrush back.

For those of you following along it took me two months, six vitamins and supplements, a month and a half of diflucan, vinegar in my washer and topically, oral nystatin for jack and a TON of pain and itching to get it out of our house. And here we are again...

Frankly I feel pretty defeated. I take the steroid to minimize the paralysis and end up with what I consider to be about a million times worse. Guess that's what I guess for not just listening to myself and doing what I think is best.

This sucks!

Nursing Pillow

Yesterdays post and a comment posted made me think of posting this. Any twin mommies to be have to check this out.

There is this great website called Double Blessings and they sell different things for twins. One of the things that they sell most often is this "monstrosity" of a nursing pillow. It is a really lovely pillow, just HUGE. It is a bit pricey (almost $60), but I have been saving my pennies so that maybe I can afford it before the babies come. :>) It allows you to feed both babies at once. I think it looks scarey, but I think I will probably still get it. The thought of nursing two is a little scarey, but two at one time sounds like quite a tall order. I guess anything you can find to make the job easier is worth the pricetag.

Look at this thing:



Frankly I think I am going to have my hands full. :>)

Breast Feeding Twins

I have made the decision (a while ago) that I AM GOING TO breast feed my daughters. I know that this is going to be a difficult task, to say the least. I have waited SO LONG to be pregnant and to have children that I want to do all of it. I want the whole experience, no matter how tough. Some people look at me like I am crazy to try nursing two. Other people have been wonderfully supportive (Bry, Michelle, My buddies and family) and I am so thankful that they have been. When people are supportive it gives you a sense that it can be done. I know it can be done and many women have done it. I know it will be hard, really hard. I have read a great breast-feeding book and learned a ton. Then I read a great book on bfing twins and learned even more. It should be an interesting time trying to manage feeding both girls, pumping for the occasions I won't be home and all the other Mommy tasks, but I am so happy that I have the chance to do this. There were many days that I though I would never have this chance.

Stupid Question of the Week: :>) For those of you who nursed and pumped (so that you could occasionally be out of the house) how often did you pump? When did you start pumping?