Life with Coco and Gigi... and Jack-Jack too!

Life as a Mom, A Homesteader, A Blogger and A Wife.

The End

Our first round of IVF officially FAILED. I have had a few days of negative pregnancy tests, to which we told ourselves that it was "just to early." Although I did sit and stare at those tests asking what the hell was wrong with them. The second line had to be there. I knew that it was going to be there. Then the spotting and bleeding started. I guess it isn't official til the negative blood test on Monday, but we know that this is it.

We are both absolutely heartsick. Those were our babies. They had our DNA, a gender, a hair color an eye color. They even had a genetically determined personality and now they are gone. We even had their picture. Now we feel as if we have truly "lost" something. Up until now there was nothing and no one to mourn, now that has changed. We go between crying and completely numb. I don't know what to think, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say. We just look at each other and feel sad. I feel so unbelievably sad.

I want to find some black hole and climb in where no one can find me. I was to smash every plate in the whole house. I want to scream. I am sad, I am angry, I am sick, I am shattered. I don't even know how I go to the next step from here. Is there even a next step? This was supposed to be the happiest week of my life, and I have never felt so miserable. I not only feel like I am back where I started, I feel like I am 10 steps behind that. After 2+ years, being the best person I could be, helping others, donating half my eggs. Doing every god damned good deed I could think of to get all the karma I could. I got screwed again.

I just knew that this was going to work. There was almost no doubt in my mind. One of those babies was going to stick. In fact more than one was going to stick. I knew it, I felt it. I was so wrong.

11 comments:

George 3:52 PM  

Hi,

You guys don't know me, but I read your blog and felt so badly for you. Please don't give up hope. I'll say a prayer for you two. It's not over yet...

George

Anonymous 4:52 PM  

http://www.alittlepregnant.com/about.html
take a look

Mandy 6:52 PM  

You already know my feelings. Sending you hugs from Idaho. Damn...

Meri-ann 7:14 PM  

I wish there words to console you after your first neg, but I remember it so very well and it's just heartbreaking.
Unfortunately ivf is purely a numbers games, the more you do it the more likely it is to succeed. And that's all you can do, keep on trying. I remember my very first cycle, like you I was just shattered and angry and inconsolable. By the 4th transfer I was not expecting it to work, and it did. (Ended badly, but that's another chapter).

So what I'm trying to say is, expect the worst and hope for the best. IVF is a hard slog for the best of us, but don't give up because with determination you will definitely get there.
Be kind to yourself and do something nice for you both.... x

Sami 8:48 PM  

I'm sorry... I have no advice to give, but I know that this stinks and is not fair and I wish that things were different. Go spend time with your hubby - that's about the best advice I can give. Again so very sorry.

KrisAndRod 10:13 PM  

Oh Kristen, my heart aches for you right now. I was away for the weekend, and was so hoping I'd come back to some wonderful news. I'm still keeping everything possible crossed that by some miracle tomorrow will bring good news for you and Bry. I'm a firm believer in miracles, and know they seem to happen when you think you can't take any more. Your miracle is long overdue. Sending you huge hugs from Michigan.

Anonymous 7:01 AM  

Very nice site! free online training classes mesotherapy consumer reports Coffee makers gavelia.com kelty backpacks 3600 cc Ride snowboard pants mountain dry small tits stockings mesotherapy michifgan Big black mama jama pussy pcs Costco refrigerators Ppc umaxsearch faq umaxsearch faq fiat spider performance search engine marketing mesotherapy Craps on the street Home synthesis with zyban bupropion Car wax super shine Fire wall zone alarms buccal liposuction procedure india

Anonymous 1:30 PM  

Enjoyed a lot! mike caseoklahoma baseball levaquin precautions pregnant Photos of diazepam 1995 buick riviera lenses Orthopedic headset Collage lesbian stories nokia pay as you go phone Accutane montreal Sofa and reviews

Anonymous 1:45 PM  

Very cool design! Useful information. Go on! »

Anonymous 3:03 PM  

Wonderful and informative web site. I used information from that site its great. free fax internet faxing free Car rental audi tt O video de paris hilton dentists in leipsic oh ohio zyban instructions car wax and information Free hug cocks teen sex pics merchant account orange county sarah took michelle's bra off chevrolet malibu complaints Elder find lawyer Call center web chat Cosmetics in madison fl florida http://www.free-shemale-clips.info/hot-wet-upskirts.html Magellan portable vehicle navigation system 750m bookkeeping how to Scarpe running Vcl furry breast big 16 pocket business card holder Dancing lessons coalville

Anonymous 7:21 AM  

Where did you find it? Interesting read 97 chrysler sebring jx brake system xanax pharmacies buy fiorinal online no prescription http://www.online-poker-tournament-3.info My earphones Used dodge ram conversion vans

Us

Us

About this blog

Over 8 years we have struggled through 3 IUI's, 6 rounds of IVF, several RE's, hundreds of appointments and the loss of three little angels. Now we find ourselves the proud parents of two perfect little girls and a wonderful little boy!!

Both of our girls struggle with some disabilities but that won't keep us down. Each day has it's own brand of insanity but we love it. Most days I am more monkey wrangler than mother but I do the best I can. Todays goal - getting to tomorrow.

Search This Blog

Follow us through pictures!

Follow us through pictures!
kristenfescoe

GFAF Blogger

GFAF Blogger

Followers

Blog Archive

There was an error in this gadget
© 2006–2015. Life with Coco and Gigi. All rights reserved. No content on this site may be reused in any fashion without written permission.

Labels

50 Things to Blog About (1) A Bright Project (1) Abb (1) Abby (188) ADHD (2) Adventures in Therapy (25) Allergies (9) Allergy Friendly (4) Asian Recipes (2) Babies (29) Baby (6) Baby Stuff (29) Baby Updates (83) Back to school (4) Backyard (1) Backyard 2013 (2) Baking (1) Beef Recipes (5) Being Three (5) Blog Challenge (30) Blogs (25) Breakfast Recipes (1) Breast Feeding (8) Brian (5) Cancer (11) Canning (5) Catching Up (1) Charity (3) Chicken (2) Chicken Recipe (6) CHOP (43) Christmas (11) Clean Eating (1) Cook Books (2) Cooking (24) Coupons (4) Crafts (2) Crock Pot Recipe (3) Dad (10) Dairy Free (2) Dance (1) Delivery (3) Dessert Recipe (1) Disney (2) DIY (1) Doctors Appointments (100) Dog (3) Down the shore (4) Easy Meals (2) EI (22) Family (183) Father and son (1) Five Ingredient Favorites (2) Food (3) Food Allergies (2) Freezing (1) Funny (2) Garden 2013 (4) Gardening (9) Girls (220) Giveaway (17) Gluten Free (2) Grace (1) Gracie (138) Gratitude Journal (8) Grilling (1) Guest Post (1) Holidays (118) Home buying (24) Homemade (3) Homesteading (2) How we spend our time (120) Illness (67) In The Kitchen (19) In the yard (1) Infertility (59) Inspired writing (5) Instagram (1) Issues for women like me (76) IVF (28) Jack (88) Kindness (1) Library (2) Living Simply (1) Me (131) Meatless Recipes (1) Mexican (1) Mexican Recipes (2) Misc (55) Mom Thoughts (76) Moments (1) Momma Woes (1) Mothering (8) Mushrooms (1) My annoying hand (12) Nursery (5) Nursing (7) OT (12) Our House (28) Parenting (54) Pasta (2) Phone Dump (1) Pictures (532) Politics (5) Pork Recipes (1) Potty Training (6) Prayer Request (8) Pregnancy (118) Pregnancy Loss (3) Preserving (5) PT (31) Quotes (11) Randomness (143) Rant (52) Recipes (25) Reviews (1) Rhombencephalosynapsis (11) School (87) Seafood Recipe (1) Sensory Integration (13) Shower (2) Siblings (2) Side Dishes (1) Snack Recipes (1) Soup (5) Special Needs (11) Speech (4) Sponsored Posts (1) Sports (94) Stew (1) stories (1) Summer Fun (11) Summer Learning (6) Summer Meals (1) The Girls (3) The Kids (40) The Reason for the season (1) The Reason for the Season (25) Therapy (5) Things my kids always eat (11) Time Savers (1) Topics of Interest (13) Track (9) Twins (51) Ultrasounds (4) Vacation (35) Vegan (4) Vegan Recipes (1) Veggie Recipes (1) Video (77) Videos (28) WAHM (1) Website (2) Weekly Updates (29) Weight Loss (2) What to do with leftovers (1) Winter (4) Wisdom the Dog (3) Words of inspiration (8) Work (12) Writing (6) Writing Pieces (1) Yo Gabba Gabba (3)