Life with Coco and Gigi... and Jack-Jack too!

Life as a Mom, A Homesteader, A Blogger and A Wife.

How could this happen

How the hell could this happen. How could the praying and the begging to protect my baby not work. I know all the religious and spiritual explanation but they mean shit right now. How, after two plus years can I get pregnant only to have my child ripped away from me like this. I feel like my strength is gone. I feel like my heart is shattered into millions of little pieces. I feel like a failure. I know I shouldn't, BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. What the fuck is wrong with me, with us. Why is this so damned hard. This is supposed to be so easy, so natural, a part of the cirle of life. How do I get up the energy to start all of this over again. The shots, the appointments, the waiting, the procedures, the money...all of it. I feel like the reserves are tapped and nothing is left. Have we not done enough for those around us. Have we not given all that we could give. I just wish I could find a way to stop the crying, stop the sick feeling in my stomach and feel alive again.


anniepouf (from FF) 7:15 PM  

It's not fair, and it hurts like hell. Cry your eyes out, grieve for the little one you never got to know. The pain does fade with time, but it never goes away completely. It just leaves you jaded and more appreciative of all of the lives around you. Do know that when you DO have your baby, s/he will have their own baby angel to watch over them.

Mandy 7:42 PM  

I wish that I could provide answers and help heal your pain. It's not fair that you've been dealt this hand. You just have to keep going on, putting one foot in front of the other. Finding a way to make it through.

Remember that we're all here to help in whatever way we can. ((hugs))

SaraS-P 8:43 PM  

I had a blighted ovum miscarriage in early March. Everything you wrote sounds so familiar to me, practically word for word from my own thoughts. It does stink. It is most certainly unfair. I am so sorry for your loss. No one should ever to experience such a cruel emotional joke. I am certainly thinking of you ...

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About this blog

Over 8 years we have struggled through 3 IUI's, 6 rounds of IVF, several RE's, hundreds of appointments and the loss of three little angels. Now we find ourselves the proud parents of two perfect little girls and a wonderful little boy!!

Both of our girls struggle with some disabilities but that won't keep us down. Each day has it's own brand of insanity but we love it. Most days I am more monkey wrangler than mother but I do the best I can. Todays goal - getting to tomorrow.

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