Life with Coco and Gigi... and Jack-Jack too!

Life as a Mom, A Homesteader, A Blogger and A Wife.

Why??

Yet another sleepless, dreamless night has landed me right back to feeling completely miserable. As soon as I feel ok, I feel like I get my head above water, I go back to square one. I feel like I did two weeks ago when the pain was so fresh. I just can't help but think how close I was to having it all. The one thing that I want more than anything. To be a family. To have this perfect little person that was half him and half me and now it feels farther away than it ever did.

We were talking today about how unbelievably hard it has been to feel ok after the miscarriage. Bry has volunteered to coach our nephews soccer team. After his coaching meeting today he told me, with almost teary eyes how hard it was to sit and listen to all the other men talk about their sons. Here is this man who acts like a father to these three kids, makes the sacrifices that a father makes and yet I can't give him that gift. I never knew how bad all this could hurt.

I just want to feel like me again. I want to laugh and really feel happy. I want to smile and not have to do it with effort. How could I have had that for three weeks only to have it ripped away from me. Why, why, why???

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About this blog

Over 8 years we have struggled through 3 IUI's, 6 rounds of IVF, several RE's, hundreds of appointments and the loss of three little angels. Now we find ourselves the proud parents of two perfect little girls and a wonderful little boy!!

Both of our girls struggle with some disabilities but that won't keep us down. Each day has it's own brand of insanity but we love it. Most days I am more monkey wrangler than mother but I do the best I can. Todays goal - getting to tomorrow.

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