IF's toll

I have been thinking since National IF Awareness Month about what toll infertility has taken on my life. Many of you who have not lived through years of infertility may have a hard time understanding just what I am talking about. Those of you who have will.

I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I am lucky enough to have been blessed with these two miracles. Coming out on this side of infertility is one of the most bittersweet things I will ever experience. I obviously don't have the explain the sweet. Just look at my daughters. Just the fact that I get to say "my daughters" is proof enough. I AM LUCKY!

The bitter comes in many forms. It comes in knowing that someday and infertile woman will see me holding one of my daughters and she will go home and cry. It comes in knowing that some of my friend who battle infertility will lose. It comes in knowing that infertility has changes me in ways that I cannot change back. It comes in knowing that infertile woman will always live inside me. It has made me stronger and it has made me weaker.

You cannot explain what it is like to live through infertility. It is equally difficult to explain the bitterness after you have been given such blessings as I have. Perhaps I should just move on and forget about the absolute darkest days of my life. Maybe I should just count my blessings and forget about the sadness. But if I did, what would I have learned.

I would like to think that I am coming out of it on top. I won. I succeeded. My I thought it was worthwhile to remember what the cost was.