ANOTHER failed cycle

A large part of the reason I have been sort of MIA for the past month or so is because Brian and I did a "secret" round of IVF. We kept things a secret because by doing infertility treatments for the past several years we were always robbed of the surprise pregnancy announcement. We thought this might be our chance to get to tell our family and friends without them knowing what date I was having a pregnancy test.

A few months back the woman who I have remained friends with at our clinic (she is the study coordinator) told me about an IVF study where you pay $800 for a cycle of IVF. Those of you who have done (and paid for) IVF know that this is NOT the kind of thing you say no to. We knew from the time the girls were born that we wanted more kids so we jumped on it. My cycle went well and I ended up with 21 eggs out of almost 30 follicles. I had OHSS fairly bad but I did okay. It was very hard coordinating the testing, monitoring, ER and ET (including bed rest) with the girls but we got help from our immediately family (the only people who knew).

The sad news is that we are still not going to have that wonderful moment of seeing the look on people's faces when we announced that we're pregnant.. the cycle failed. We transferred two good 6-celled embryos but neither one took. We now have 11 frozen embryos that we will transfer when we can afford to.

Don't be offended that we didn't tell any of you... we just really wanted to savor that moment. We have always felt very deprived of that experience and would someday like to have it.

The heartbreak that I experienced after a failed cycle will never be the same. I get to come home and hug my babies. I know just how lucky I am. That being said it is always very sad to have a failed cycle. So much time, effort and hope goes into IVF that it still hurts when it doesn't work.

There's always next time...