Life with Coco and Gigi... and Jack-Jack too!

Life as a Mom, A Homesteader, A Blogger and A Wife.

Embryo Adoption

My recent post on embryo usage brought up another thought for me personally. When you put your frozen embryo's up for adoption the entire process is done anonymously. Compare this with a live birth adoption where you can opt for an open adoption or a closed adoption. While I don't think you have the right to be involved in the life of the child later on, it brings to mind the question, should the donating couple be allowed to help choose the parents? Should I have the right to be part of the process of choosing who will raise a child that is biologically mine? Am I not entitled to some small bit of information? The adopting parents are entitled (rightfully) to every small bit of information about me. I have to provide everything from my educations level and health history to intimate details of my personality and habits. Does that not buy me the right to have some information in return.

I realize that this brings up both legal and moral issues. Is it a good thing to know what the people look like or where they live? Won't that just complicate the process?

IMO it would be best to find a middle ground. Allow the donating couple to see a vague description of the adopting parents. Create bios on each couple that give the donating couple enough information for piece of mind. I don't want names, addresses and bank statements, just an idea of what kind of people they are. Isn't that only fair?


Anonymous 9:20 AM  

I just think middle grounds are dangerous. This may sound immature, but compromise to me means NOBODY gets their way! But, that said, I agree that some skeletal info would be great. I had to use donor sperm to get pregnant and I have SO much info about the anon donor. In fact, I have enough info that even though it is all anonymous, I am pretty certain I can find out his name if I really tried (I know his grad school major and where in the country his grade school is and other really telling details).

In other news, it is amazing how after a few posts you went, for me, from one dimensional to three dimensional. I know people have the right to have any blog they want, but this sort of open-ness and opinions seem so much more you. (not that I know you).

Anonymous 12:23 PM  

Anon #2 here--I'm the one who quotes the bible--ha! Whenever I'm faced with dilemmas like this, it always comes down to one word: choice. We [theoretically] have a free society and with that freedom should come a multitude of choices. Sometimes it's not always a matter of fairness either, just having the choice. In this case, I think that you should have the choice to learn about the potential parents and also to have a say in choosing them. Not for nuthin, but these are your creations, as it were. Whether you view your embryos as human life or commodities, either way, in this society, the creator should get to choose who posses their creation once it leaves their hands.

Not to be trite, but I have the same problem with the thievery of intellectual property (such as musical lyrics) by big corporations.

Kristen 1:14 PM  

Thanks to both of you for more food for thought. It is one of those issues that could be dangerous if the wrong people got the wrong information. Like anon #1 said what if the person donating their embryos was a little nutty. What if they then went to seek out this biological child to pursue them??? What then??? Not really sure how I feel. I know I personally would like to know the basics of what the people are like, do they have other kids and will they be decent people. But middle grounds can be frightening sometimes.

Anon #1 - I am liking the new shape my blog is taking too. It is easy (as a Mom) to forget that I even have opinions about things that matter in a larger sense. It's nice to get to think about it again. :D

Anonymous 3:43 PM  

Staying home with toddlers, and twins at that, does make the intellectual side of me feel a bit soft sometimes. It's all about getting through the day and having fun doing it. But having a chance to think about things like this, or politics, or history, or current events, or anything other than breakfast, lunch and dinner is great. Your new forum here is awesome! I approach all these things with a firm belief and conviction of my own, but, like I said, I am open to change and I am secure enough in myself to know that I might change my mind about things. For example, when I started IVF years ago I did not even think ONCE about frozen embryos.

Anyway, I am rambling because I am drunk on nap-time freedom!

Kristen 11:53 PM  

"Drunk on nap time freedom" ... I LOVE IT! :D

MrsSpock 6:28 PM  

I had no idea it was an anonymous process. I'd definitely want a say in who gets to adopt my embryos.



About this blog

Over 8 years we have struggled through 3 IUI's, 6 rounds of IVF, several RE's, hundreds of appointments and the loss of three little angels. Now we find ourselves the proud parents of two perfect little girls and a wonderful little boy!!

Both of our girls struggle with some disabilities but that won't keep us down. Each day has it's own brand of insanity but we love it. Most days I am more monkey wrangler than mother but I do the best I can. Todays goal - getting to tomorrow.

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