We are about three weeks away from the beginning of school for the girls. I feel so many mixed emotions going into this new adventure. I am so excited about what the future holds for them. Having friends... learning things I can't teach them... wonderful therapists to help them grow and succeed... amazing special education teachers who will love them and nurture them when I am not there. But at the same time my heart breaks when I think about the first time Grace has a meltdown and I am not there to squeeze her and calm her. The first time that Abby falls hard on her head and I can't kiss her boo-boo. It literally hurts to think about it.
I know that every Mom goes through this. Every single Mom probably cries when their baby gets on the bus for the first time. But at three? Both of them?? Five days a week??? It might be a lot for them but it is a mountain for me. I have spent three years protecting them, nurturing them, reacting to all their needs and now suddenly I won't be there for them. They will experience things that I don't know about. I will learn the frustration Brian feels when Grace is talking about something and he doesn't understand her because he doesn't have the context I do. Abby will have bruises that I don't know where they came from.
The solace for me comes in the fact that they will be together. They will have the peace of being with the one person who has been there for every minute of their life other than their Mom. They are lucky they have each other. They are not the kind of twins who spend every second together but knowing that the other one is there is a huge sense of relief in knowing if you need someone your sister is there.
I can't think too much about that first day. Waving goodbye as the bus pulls away. Watching strangers drive away with my children. The ones I fought and clawed and battled to even have. The ones who I have spend every minute of my life for three entire years protecting. The idea is too surreal. Three more weeks and it will be my reality. I pray that I soon have wonderful reports for you all. Only time will tell...
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3 comments:
I know. I can't even think about it. I'm sure the girls will do great (both of ours) but still. Man its tough. :(
I can imagine it's going to be really difficult for you...it's happening all at once and seemingly all of the sudden. Yikes. Phew, I get nervous just thinking about it for you...
What do YOU have planned for yourself on that first day that they're gone? If I were you, I wouldn't even go back in the house. I'd hop in the car and go somewhere to occupy your mind until they return.
Phew...
Mich - Now THAT is an excellent idea. Thank you so much for suggesting it!!!
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