In order to be a Mom that is. No more late nights out with friends. No more sleeping in on weekends. No more long weekends away just the two of us. No more having way too much fun on Saturday night and spending all of Sunday on the sofa watching TV to "recover". I sometimes miss that stuff. No always, but sometimes. They are the obvious things. But what about the small things?
This weekend I sat down to play a video game with Brian and Jordan. I have always loved playing video games. I know it makes me a little more dorky but what can I say. :D Well, they kicked my butt... at a game I used to own. It has been so long since I found five minutes to play a video game that I had no skills. I felt so sad. I know it was only a game and I know having half of my one hand non-functional didn't help but it just hit a nerve. I miss those little things. An hour of video games. An hour of television to myself. Reading. Listening to music I want to hear in the car. I miss the little things.
I am guessing that in time I will slowly get some of it back. Will I still want it though? Will I have gotten so lost in mommyland that I can't find my way back? I sure hope not. I miss that part of myself. The part that is 20 something and thinks about what would be fun instead of what needs to get done. I miss slowing down for five minutes. I miss not feeling like every minute of every day needs to be filled with accomplishments... even on a small scale.
If anyone finds the map back send it my way.
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6 comments:
"I miss not feeling like every minute of every day needs to be filled with accomplishments... even on a small scale"
That's a tough one for me too...even though I know in my heart it doesn't really matter if the house is spotless...it sure makes me feel a hell of a lot better, and makes me feel bad if it's not!
C - Me too. I know it is a small thing that could go by the wayside but I still feel so compelled to do it. I am hoping that with a little work I could improve but I'm not holding my breath. ;D
You just have to find a way to do it.
We've never really listened to kids' music in the car -- just whatever station I had on and Kate has adjusted. She now sings to most of the songs that play.
Cris gives Kate a bath at night and I try to take a small chunk of that time for myself. Sometimes I play on the Wii (guitar hero mainly, hehe), sometimes I just sit and have a glass of wine (when I'm not pregnant of course). Sometimes I get crazy and do both at the same time. ;)
It's hard to take time for yourself. But in order to be a good mom, a good wife, a good daughter, a good sister...you need to be good to YOURSELF as well.
Just to add -- I know it's not easy to do. My therapist and I worked really, really hard before surgery last year at getting myself to a point where I could let everything else go for 15 minutes and focus on myself. But once you start you begin to cherish that time for yourself.
M - I think that's what I need to do. Just find the time and commit to me a little more.
the music tip from Plant Girl is a big one for me. Being able to primarily listen to my music (sans songs with bad language or overly suggestive tones) in my car regardless of the small person in my backseat has gone a long way in maintaining my identity. I've also learned that it's OK to tell my little precious snowflake to "go play by yourself for a bit, mommy needs some time to herself right now." It doesn't always work out as I had planned but I almost always get a few minutes to myself for a magazine or website or something. The fact that I've been a SAHM up to this point alleviates any guilt I may have about time with my kid. Heck, I'm fighting to get LESS time with my kid these days!
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