Life with Coco and Gigi... and Jack-Jack too!

Life as a Mom, A Homesteader, A Blogger and A Wife.

Blog Challenge - Day 18



Day 18-Something you regret

I am not one for having a ton of regrets. You can live life full of them but I feel like they do nothing but tie us to the parts of our past that weigh upon us. Being that I am only human I do have a couple. I have a few stupid little ones but there is one regret that I know is irrational but will live with me forever. It's a tough topic for me.

I regret that I didn't "fight" harder for our triplet. I know that there is nothing I could have done different physically. I get that. But I feel like it was such a huge shock that I didn't know how to feel. I also was told from day one that Baby C was small and had a slower heart rate than A and B. When I look back I feel like they told me that baby wouldn't make it and I accepted it. What the hell was wrong with me. Why did I not fight, beg God, limit all of my activity??? Why didn't I fight? I always fight... I consider myself a scrapper. I don't just accept things for face value. Why this? Something so important. My child. My daughters triplet brother or sister.

I am a rational person and I know that I couldn't have changed what was meant to be. I just wish, that when I look back, I could feel like I begged, pleaded, bartered and borrowed for my baby. But I didn't. I will regret that for the rest of my life.

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Over 8 years we have struggled through 3 IUI's, 6 rounds of IVF, several RE's, hundreds of appointments and the loss of three little angels. Now we find ourselves the proud parents of two perfect little girls and a wonderful little boy!!

Both of our girls struggle with some disabilities but that won't keep us down. Each day has it's own brand of insanity but we love it. Most days I am more monkey wrangler than mother but I do the best I can. Todays goal - getting to tomorrow.

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