How do I sum up a a crappy night like last night? I am not sure? Where do I start?
The evening started out like any other nice evening with my family. Pizza, drinks, conversation... not too bad after a week (or month) like we've had. Things were fine and then out of (seemingly) nowhere... BAM... a blow-up. My younger sister and brother are "commenting on" Grace (the kid can't seem to do anything right lately) and I lost my cool. I sent Brian in to retrieve her so I didn't go in and say something I'd regret. I guess my sister overheard because then I had her in my face.
The long and the short is this... most of my siblings have created this situation where I am the "favorite child" and they don't mean this in a good way. It sucks. I hate having this stupid label put on me. It drives me nuts. I realize there are worse things that one could deal with but it still isn't fair. I am so far from perfect it is ridiculous. I feel like I make mistakes on an hourly basis lately.
For months now there has been tension building and not just about me. It's been about Grace. It seems that no matter what she does she has become "the culprit". She can't do anything right. She cries and she is being "a brat". She is having a sensory seeking day and she is "out of control". She plays with her cousins like a normal three year old and she is "being too rough". The problem is that instead of just coming to me and talking to me I hear it all behind my back. I don't care if people talk behind my back. We're human we all do it. But when you have a problem with my kid you have a problem with me.
Last night I had had enough. I didn't want it to become a big thing but as usual with my siblings it had to be. They tried to make it all about Abby saying they "were afraid" to talk to me because they were "afraid of my reaction" because of "everything we are dealing with with Abby". Somehow that fear didn't come into play when my sister was in my face yelling at me but that's another story.
I'm just sick of it... the fighting the "taking sides" the judging. Siblings are supposed to be the people who support you no matter what. They are supposed to be on your side whether you are right or not. I have gone to bat for each of my siblings at some point in the past and never even thought about it. It's what you do. But it feels like all my life the alliance has been one sided.
I am sure it will blow over but it just breaks my heart a little. These people who I have known forever and thought would always be there have turned their backs. It's painful. Hopefully time will change things but who ever knows.