Life with Coco and Gigi... and Jack-Jack too!

Life as a Mom, A Homesteader, A Blogger and A Wife.

I feel

I feel sad.
I feel melancholic.
I feel beaten up.
I feel like my tank is completely empty.

I feel a little lost in my own life.

I am sad for the life I had planned. All those "things" I was going to do perfectly. I feel grief for missing out on certain "normal things". I am feeling sorry for myself today (obviously).

It's all coming out. All of the issues that come with Abby's diagnosis are showing up, one by one, in large, loud, scary fashion. The OCD. The anxiety. The inability to sleep or eat or grow normally. It make me SO INCREDIBLY SAD.

Last night I had to sit and listen to her scream at the top of her lungs after putting her to bed "I AM SCARED. THE BUGS. THEY ARE ALL OVER ME!"

Do you have any idea what that is like? Thankfully we know it isn't anything like a hallucination because as soon as we enter the room it stops. It is stemming from her nightmares and her anxiety and her vivid imagination.

I can fix skinned knees. I can kiss bumped heads and bruises. I can give her therapy for building strength.

I CAN'T kiss away OCD. I CAN'T fix real, vivid anxiety. I CAN'T pray away Rhombencephalosynapsis and all that comes with it. I HATE that. I HATE the powerlessness and not knowing what to do.

Most days I am fine. I am strong. I am confident and able and ready. But today I don't have enough in the tank. I feel swept up. I feel chewed up and spit out. It could be the fact that Abby had everyone in the house up until almost 1 am and then was up throughout the night. It could be the scary reality that life is going to be really, really hard for my child and I WON'T BE ABLE TO FIX IT.

Thankfully tomorrow is a new day... come on tomorrow!

6 comments:

The Karkins Family 11:55 AM  

Thinking of you... *hugs*

Christina 2:52 PM  

I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry, and I know it's tough to watch and see her go through this. Just know your doing all you can, and that's all she needs. Hugs to you Momma.
xoxo

Aleigh 2:53 PM  

Hugs to you and your sweet girls. Praying tomorrow is a better day.

Plant Girl 3:12 PM  

Sending lots of love. You are the strongest, most amazing woman and mother I know. I'm sorry you're doubting yourself today.

Big ((hugs)) and lost of love coming across the way today.

Kristen 9:35 PM  

Thanks you guys. I needed all the virtual support I could get today.

Ashleigh Taylor 12:36 AM  

**hugs**

Us

Us

About this blog

Over 8 years we have struggled through 3 IUI's, 6 rounds of IVF, several RE's, hundreds of appointments and the loss of three little angels. Now we find ourselves the proud parents of two perfect little girls and a wonderful little boy!!

Both of our girls struggle with some disabilities but that won't keep us down. Each day has it's own brand of insanity but we love it. Most days I am more monkey wrangler than mother but I do the best I can. Todays goal - getting to tomorrow.

Search This Blog

Follow us through pictures!

Follow us through pictures!
kristenfescoe

GFAF Blogger

GFAF Blogger

Followers

Blog Archive

There was an error in this gadget
© 2006–2015. Life with Coco and Gigi. All rights reserved. No content on this site may be reused in any fashion without written permission.

Labels

50 Things to Blog About (1) A Bright Project (1) Abb (1) Abby (188) ADHD (2) Adventures in Therapy (25) Allergies (9) Allergy Friendly (4) Asian Recipes (2) Babies (29) Baby (6) Baby Stuff (29) Baby Updates (83) Back to school (4) Backyard (1) Backyard 2013 (2) Baking (1) Beef Recipes (5) Being Three (5) Blog Challenge (30) Blogs (25) Breakfast Recipes (1) Breast Feeding (8) Brian (5) Cancer (11) Canning (5) Catching Up (1) Charity (3) Chicken (2) Chicken Recipe (6) CHOP (43) Christmas (11) Clean Eating (1) Cook Books (2) Cooking (24) Coupons (4) Crafts (2) Crock Pot Recipe (3) Dad (10) Dairy Free (2) Dance (1) Delivery (3) Dessert Recipe (1) Disney (2) DIY (1) Doctors Appointments (100) Dog (3) Down the shore (4) Easy Meals (2) EI (22) Family (183) Father and son (1) Five Ingredient Favorites (2) Food (3) Food Allergies (2) Freezing (1) Funny (2) Garden 2013 (4) Gardening (9) Girls (220) Giveaway (17) Gluten Free (2) Grace (1) Gracie (138) Gratitude Journal (8) Grilling (1) Guest Post (1) Holidays (118) Home buying (24) Homemade (3) Homesteading (2) How we spend our time (120) Illness (67) In The Kitchen (19) In the yard (1) Infertility (59) Inspired writing (5) Instagram (1) Issues for women like me (76) IVF (28) Jack (88) Kindness (1) Library (2) Living Simply (1) Me (131) Meatless Recipes (1) Mexican (1) Mexican Recipes (2) Misc (55) Mom Thoughts (76) Moments (1) Momma Woes (1) Mothering (8) Mushrooms (1) My annoying hand (12) Nursery (5) Nursing (7) OT (12) Our House (28) Parenting (54) Pasta (2) Phone Dump (1) Pictures (532) Politics (5) Pork Recipes (1) Potty Training (6) Prayer Request (8) Pregnancy (118) Pregnancy Loss (3) Preserving (5) PT (31) Quotes (11) Randomness (143) Rant (52) Recipes (25) Reviews (1) Rhombencephalosynapsis (11) School (87) Seafood Recipe (1) Sensory Integration (13) Shower (2) Siblings (2) Side Dishes (1) Snack Recipes (1) Soup (5) Special Needs (11) Speech (4) Sponsored Posts (1) Sports (94) Stew (1) stories (1) Summer Fun (11) Summer Learning (6) Summer Meals (1) The Girls (3) The Kids (40) The Reason for the season (1) The Reason for the Season (25) Therapy (5) Things my kids always eat (11) Time Savers (1) Topics of Interest (13) Track (9) Twins (51) Ultrasounds (4) Vacation (35) Vegan (4) Vegan Recipes (1) Veggie Recipes (1) Video (77) Videos (28) WAHM (1) Website (2) Weekly Updates (29) Weight Loss (2) What to do with leftovers (1) Winter (4) Wisdom the Dog (3) Words of inspiration (8) Work (12) Writing (6) Writing Pieces (1) Yo Gabba Gabba (3)