When I talk to Moms I know it seems like most women have a very clear sense of when their family is complete. It may be the general sense of completeness. It may be "enough" kids. It may be age or money or space or something else dictating it but it always is SOMETHING. After I had the girls I never felt "done". We did an IVF cycle when the girls were only 1 and it was a bust. After that we considered trying again but the timing was always wrong. First it was dealing with all of the girls issues. We had surgeries and therapies and school and things standing in the way. Our kids had to be the highest priority when making a decision like that .
Then my younger sister got pregnant. It wasn't a super happy kind of pregnancy and I knew it would put stress on the boys... so we waited. Then my older sister got pregnant. By no means did I want to steal her thunder. Her daughter was something that she deserved and she deserved the whole limelight just like I had when I was pregnant with the girls. Next we hit a very rough patch with the girls and put it off even more.
Through all of this I always felt like it was more of a "when" then an "If". Recently something changed.
On Mothers Day Brian gave me a card. It thanked me for being a good Mom and taking care of our kids. It was very sweet. Then I read the P.S. It read "Oh, BTW I'm ready when you are for another chance to raise an "easy child". :D I love him for that.
I couldn't believe it. I thought he was years away from being ready. I may be the person who has to be with them all day but he is the one who provides for us and has to be away from us as the girls change and grow every single day. I didn't even realize that I was unconsciously waiting for HIM to be ready... I guess I always was.
So to that end we are ready to get back in the saddle. I called for my IVF consult which was the day after our anniversary.
I am not 100% sure what is going to happen but I do know that we aren't done yet. I know that at least one more baby will hang from my hip. I don't think we were destined to be parents of two kids. We both feel there is more in store for us.
I almost kept this cycle to myself. I almost didn't blog about it. Partly because my blogging about things sometimes has a way of seeping into my families life. Sometimes people have a hard time minding their own business. But also partly because we've never gotten that big moment when we can announce a surprise pregnancy. It could have been fun to get to do one of those posts. I inevitably decided that since I still have a few friends struggling with IF it might be better to chronicle our journey. To talk about our cycle. So that's what we're gonna do. :D