Life with Coco and Gigi... and Jack-Jack too!

Life as a Mom, A Homesteader, A Blogger and A Wife.

Where is my black hole

I want to find it and clim inside. Where the hell is a nice quiet black hole when you need one? I sit here writing (instead of working). At least 15 times a day for the past few days I have had to remind myself that laying my head on my desk and crying instead of working is not going to really help. But in that moment it's all I want to do. I am teetering on the brink. Tomorrow I find out if my baby is alive or dead. And even if (s)he is alive will it stay that way?

The question is how the heck can ask myself to work, cook, clean, bath children, answer phone calls, sleep, eat, etc. when this is in the back of my head 24 hours a damn day. I am doing it. I am blindly trudging through my days. Trying my hardest to pretend that nothing is wrong. Trying to keep my kids in the dark. It's taking everything I got but I am doing it.

Tomorrow is the day. 1:30.

8 comments:

Anonymous 3:25 PM  

you and your peanut have lots and lots of prayers behind you...*hugs*

~ash

melbournebound 4:32 PM  

"Nothing in life that is worth it is easy" or something like that. Hang in there, that's all you can do. So many people are praying for you!

Anonymous 5:50 PM  

Praying, Praying, Praying. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow, Aleigh

Meredith 8:53 PM  

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, for sure.

Anonymous 11:09 PM  

Kristen- please know that everyone is feeling this with you. You may not feel like you will ever get out of this black hole , but despite tomorrow's outcome you will find peace. Remember your faith and strength. Love, Kara

Plant Girl 11:49 PM  

I've sat here, with this window open for hours, hoping that some perfect thought/comment would come into my head. But alas I still can't find the words to help soothe your heart during this difficult time even though I desperately wish I could.

Continuing to think of you, Bry and that beautiful little baby -- hoping for all of the predictions to be wrong.

Much love.

tim 8:18 AM  

can i join you in your black hole? this stuff is more bearable with company

Kristen 12:09 PM  

Tim - Hop right in. ;D There's enough room for us both to bury our head in the sand.

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About this blog

Over 8 years we have struggled through 3 IUI's, 6 rounds of IVF, several RE's, hundreds of appointments and the loss of three little angels. Now we find ourselves the proud parents of two perfect little girls and a wonderful little boy!!

Both of our girls struggle with some disabilities but that won't keep us down. Each day has it's own brand of insanity but we love it. Most days I am more monkey wrangler than mother but I do the best I can. Todays goal - getting to tomorrow.

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