When I found out I was having a boy I am embarrassed to say I was disappointed. Not sure why I am admitting this for the world to read but I was. I have the whole girl thing down. We had all the pink gear and TONS of clothes. To top it off I "felt" like it was going to be a girl through my whole early pregnancy. When I found out it was a boy I felt a little pang. Disappointment? Being wrong? Fear? I am not sure why. I wasn't sad or upset or anything stronger than a little disappointed... but it wasn't what I expected.
And neither was having a son. When my little man was born I fell in love so hard it hurt. When I had the girls I didn't have the time to sit and stare at them the way I did with Jack. I felt a little sad that I missed this with the girls but I felt so redeemed that I get to with him. I guess it's the payoff... I had that extra five years with the girls and now he gets a few extra minutes of my time each day.
I wasn't sure what to expect when mothering a son. Would it be the same as with the girls? Would it be harder or easier? People often commented (when I was pregnant) that 'boys are so much easier" or "boys are so much more energetic" and other passing comments. It always made me wonder what was in store for me.
Now he is here and every single day I am in awe of him. His smile that never, ever stops. The way he laughs at just about everything. How much he adores the girls, the boys and Genna. How he smiles when he hears Brian or my Moms voice. The way he holds out an extra second with my Dad before he smiles, just to make him work for it. :D And the way that he smiles at me in the morning when I go to fetch him out of his crib. It's sheer perfection. It actually makes me sad that it will be the last time...
I am getting off track (as usual) but the point is that I have a son. I am so blessed and so tremendously lucky that I get to parent this tiny person. This sweet, sweet boy is mine. I may not have been expecting a boy but it was exactly what my life needed.