Life with Coco and Gigi... and Jack-Jack too!

Life as a Mom, A Homesteader, A Blogger and A Wife.

Breast feeding truly is a journey

At eight months Jack is still breast fed 100%. Obviously he is now eating baby and table food but he gets no formula. Aside from the 10cc's he got in the NICU (which for some reason still bugs the crap out of me) he has never had formula. I am in no way shape or form "against" formula (my girls were formula fed) I just wanted to nurse this baby... desperately.

For me it was my one shot at doing things "naturally". Getting pregnant required rounds and rounds of IVF's. Not only IVF but IVF with assisted hatching and ICSI. Staying pregnant required antibiotics, injections, medications and every pregnancy I have ever had (three in total) resulted in some for of loss. (First one was miscarriage, then the girls triplet, then Jack's twin.) Both of my deliveries were rough C-sections. Then I tried like hell to nurse the girls but my milk never came in. So this was my shot at doing a crunchy, granola, naturally maternal thing. I wanted it SO bad.

So, when I got horribly painful thrush in my milk ducts I thought it wasn't going to work. I somehow got through that (the worst pain in my life... worse than a cesarean) I have plugged ducts twice. So the fact that, at 8 months, I am still nursing is HUGE for me. I am guessing that some day I will look back on my nursing journey and it will barely be a blip on the radar. It's a small things for a small period of time. But for me it is something big. An accomplishment I didn't think I was going to get.

**The post nursing milk coma

There is something so special about those little moments. When his hand finds my face and he just rubs. Getting to cuddle him tight at 3 am. Being the one person who can make him feel like everything is right with the world. It's a special bond. 

Not sure when the journey will end. I set periodic goals. First 6 weeks. Then 12. Then 6 months. Now a year. With the year closing in I am guessing I will keep going... at least with a couple of feedings a day. I am guessing when the journey comes to an end I'll know it's time. So until then, yay for nursing mothers! :D

**I love the little mark his ear leaves when he rests on my arm. :D


Erin 12:46 PM  

I love this and I am so proud of you for not giving up, so many with the challenges you had would have. Way to go!

That's what I am looking forward to with our new one. With my first, he nursed till five months when I thought he self weaned, but really I learned that he was just becoming more aware of things going on and could not focus. So we pumped for the rest of his first year. With my second he was in the NICU and we never really got a good relationship going, I had really bad PPD. So I pumped for the whole year for him.

Still breastmilk with the pumping, but it just doesn't have the same bond as nursing does, like your experience has.

Again, congrats, and I love the ear print!

Kristen 2:08 PM  

Erin - Thanks!! I too felt like I missed a lot of the cues with the girls that I thought meant something they didn't. I never had the official "let down" so I thought I just didn't have any milk. No one disagreed so I believed it. I learned a lot this past year and it was so worth every up and down. Hopefully this time will be a walk in the park for you! :D

MaggieL 6:05 PM  

Kristen you must feel so proud that you carried on despite the thrush.

I gave up because of the thrush and poor letdown with my first, had a severe allergic reaction to antibiotics and hence steriods, so could not feed my second and with my third in 2 years and three months it seemed all too hard, so formula won the day.
There is still a sadness that I did not manage for more than a couple of weeks

Congratulations Mum and so wonderful for Jack! :-)

Kristen 9:13 PM  

Maggie - I get that sadness. I felt so down about it after the girls. I knew it shouldn't be such a big deal for me since formula was a great option with twins. I just hated that I didn't get to decide it. I feel very lucky and blessed to have made it through this time. I guess I knew this was it for me. ;D



About this blog

Over 8 years we have struggled through 3 IUI's, 6 rounds of IVF, several RE's, hundreds of appointments and the loss of three little angels. Now we find ourselves the proud parents of two perfect little girls and a wonderful little boy!!

Both of our girls struggle with some disabilities but that won't keep us down. Each day has it's own brand of insanity but we love it. Most days I am more monkey wrangler than mother but I do the best I can. Todays goal - getting to tomorrow.

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