Life with Coco and Gigi... and Jack-Jack too!

Life as a Mom, A Homesteader, A Blogger and A Wife.

Panic Attack

Ok, the optimism of yesterday is so far gone I can’t even see it any more. I feel like I am a little tiny bug and someone stomped on me. I don’t know if it’s the hormones or the stress, but I feel like a mess. Like I am waiting for my life to begin, but God likes to watch me squirm, like a worm on a hook. The more I wriggle, the more it hurts. I keep thinking that it will be over soon, but will it. What if the outcome isn’t what I want. I haven’t even prepared for WHAT THE HELL DO I DO THEN? I always prepare, what was I thinking?

At first it all seemed so likely. Three good embryos, we can’t fail. I just knew it was going to work. Yet, we are the people who have managed to defy odds at every corner. Not just one of us has a problem with fertility… but both of us. They said IUI’s would work… HA! Guess not. They said the medications would help with my PCOS and IR, but they didn’t. They said the vitamins would help Bry’s numbers, but they went down, quite a bit. I am panicking, I am freaking, I am officially losing my mind. I know I sound like a lunatic but if I don’t get it out I am going to end up in the loony bin. This just sucks!

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5 comments:

Mandy 11:45 PM  

If it's any consolation, I'd come visit you in the loony bin! Could probably use an outpatient visit myself. LOL. Hang in there, you'll know soon enough. And IF you need to come up w/ a backup plan, you'll do it then. (hugs)

tim 3:39 AM  

I'll come visit too. I'll even give you one of them cakes with the dynamite inside so you can blow up the wall and make your escape. Then you will have to turn to a life on the run, but it's sure to be good for lots of stories. Sure, no one will believe them, seeing that you are insane and all, but they will at least be entertained.

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Over 8 years we have struggled through 3 IUI's, 6 rounds of IVF, several RE's, hundreds of appointments and the loss of three little angels. Now we find ourselves the proud parents of two perfect little girls and a wonderful little boy!!

Both of our girls struggle with some disabilities but that won't keep us down. Each day has it's own brand of insanity but we love it. Most days I am more monkey wrangler than mother but I do the best I can. Todays goal - getting to tomorrow.

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