Life with Coco and Gigi... and Jack-Jack too!

Life as a Mom, A Homesteader, A Blogger and A Wife.

Taking on Water

Those of you who know me well know that I am not the type to ask for help. I think my main goal in life is to be Wonder Woman (minus the tights and cape... so 1980's). Most days I feel like I hit the jackpot. I have kids... I have a husband... I have a wonderful family... we get by okay. Because of those things I HATE to hear myself whine about my idiotic woes. SO many blogs that I read are filled with true hurt; cancer, loss, death, pain. And here I sit bitching about being tired and overwhelmed.

All that being said I promised I would be more honest with myself. I used to find this blog so cathartic and lately it is like a glorified picture album. I think I need my outlet back. So, here goes...

I said last week that we were in a full family rut. Well, it feels like that rut has become more of a system failure. We are a ship and we are taking on water. Some days I feel like I have a hydraulic system to combat the water. Other days, like yesterday, I am using a teaspoon. Our life has become a series of appointments, doctors, football, soccer, errands and whining. It can really get a little overwhelming at time. I suck at asking for help. I suck at saying I am sinking. I suck at admitting that I can not do it all by myself. The biggest problem, as I see it, is that I WANT to do it. I WANT it done my way. Yup, that's stupid and selfish and pointless... but it's me. I like things done a certain way. Call me OCD, call me anal, call me an overbearing bitch. (I probably have been called all of those things ;D )I just think it's too late to change all that.

So that's life. I am barely keeping my head above water but I thank God every day that it still is above water. I just hope it stays that way. :D

1 comments:

Nichole 9:37 AM  

Kristen - I'm not sure how to "help" other than tell you that even in those sucky moments that you're not alone... *HUGS* I know that you beat yourself up a lot because you feel like you don't have a right to whine since you were blessed with your miracles but you're only human! You're definitely allowed to feel the weight of it all and ask for some help bailing the water! Keep your chin up - it helps keep the water out of your nose ;-)

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Over 8 years we have struggled through 3 IUI's, 6 rounds of IVF, several RE's, hundreds of appointments and the loss of three little angels. Now we find ourselves the proud parents of two perfect little girls and a wonderful little boy!!

Both of our girls struggle with some disabilities but that won't keep us down. Each day has it's own brand of insanity but we love it. Most days I am more monkey wrangler than mother but I do the best I can. Todays goal - getting to tomorrow.

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