Line of communication

Recently my Aunt came to visit from Arkansas. She is a family member I was very close with as a child and have managed to stay close with despite physical distance between us. When she was here I thought to myself how nice it was to just sit and chat. Then I got to thinking how I should really become better at all this phone communicating stuff so it isn't so long in between chats. I have the same thing with friends who live far away. I miss them. I love them. But I don't call them. Why the hell don't I call people I love? Seems like a stupid question but I had to think it through... after all it has obviously been bugging me.

Out of nowhere it hit me. It's a fairly selfish (and even whiney answer). If I call to talk to someone and they ask how things are I either lie and say "fine" and leave it at that or else I have to rehash all the stressors that plague me on a daily basis; which means listening to myself whine (which I hate to do). I am an honest person so I guess I tend to go towards the latter. Which is why I don't call. Life is tough. I adore my children and I live every moment of every day for them but being their Mom isn't easy. Back a few years when my sole focus in life was to get and stay pregnant I never imagined what my life would be like. I saw all the sweet moments cuddling my baby, watching her make milestone after milestone. It was so romantic in my head. I never imagined my life would become four therapy sessions a week. Specialist after specialist. Missed milestone after missed milestone. Food allergies, reflux, diagnoses I can barely pronounce.

Ok, back to my point (man I sure can ramble). If I pick up the phone, and someone asks how it is going to try to put into words what life is like right now would be next to impossible. So to those out there who curse my name for not keeping in touch know that I love you and when life gets easier (should that day come) I promise I will call.