Danielle (a reader) posted a comment on my last post that got me thinking. She said something about how that post pointed out one of the small ways that motherhood has ended up being different than expected. It made me think about how completely and utterly different this experience is than I expected. Because it too me so long to get pregnant I had a LONG time to think about what kind of Mom I was going to be. How I was going to be with my kids. How they would be and act and behave. I was going to be cool. Cool clothes, bother to put on makeup no matter what, lose the baby weight COOL. My kids friend were going to be envious. I was going to keep a tight schedule. Life was going to be a great series of enrichment, playdates and activities for my kids. Not in the overly scheduled kind of way but in the perfect way.
I was going to stay ME. I wasn't going to become this Mom-thing that looked a mess, didn't brush her hair and didn't stay on top of the news and what was going on in the world. I was going to go out with my friends... dinners, happy hour, shopping. I was going to have a ton of Mom friends to hang out with. I was going to find other couples in my neighborhood that had kids so we could hang out as families.
And then there is my kids. Their manners were going to be impeccable. Other people were going to be jealous at my mannerly kids. They were going to be well-mannered, early milestone reachers, early talkers and reading books by two. They were going to be the picture of health and childhood. They were never going to push or shove or climb on tables and throw things. Hissy fits were going to be handled with patience and grace. They would never say shut up or oh my god and Lord knows they would never hear me say anything like that.
So where did it all go wrong? I have NO idea. Some of it is not totally shattered. My kids always say please and thank you (even if sometimes it is growled or burped instead of spoken). I sometimes brush my hair. I talk on the phone with old friends about once a blue moon.
I guess with so much time to fantasize about what motherhood would be like I strangely became a doe eyed optimist. Who knew?
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3 comments:
I am exactly the same way! I totally judged my sisters kids, they ate terribly - I would always say to myself -MY kids will eat whatever I give them, I will make them! Ha! I am now dealing with a 2.5 year old who will not eat anything, really he lives off of carbs...I feel like such a hypocrite! And to this day, I apologize to my sister for judging her and her mothering...what the heck did I know? Great post :)
Agreed. I thought my kids would be perfectly behaved and doing craft projects every day. Ha!
The thing that I didn't anticipate was how having kids would completely change my friendships and my social life. It has been a real struggle to stay connected with my friends. I'm too exhausted to go out on the weekends, and happy hours/bars/restaurants are just not in the picture for me.
Me either Erin. I kind of miss those things and I kind of don't. I wish I just had the option if I wanted to. KWIM?
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