I used to have it all figured out... at least that's what I thought. I *knew* how it was all going to go. I *knew* exactly what kind of mother I was going to be (if it ever happened). I spent so much time thinking, deciding, planning and knowing how it would go. And then it went...
So now here I am. A mother to two three and a half year olds (not exactly what I had planned). Yes, we eat organic (but only because we had to). Yes, we spend a lot of time playing (like I had planned). Yes, we are surrounded by family (even when we might not want to be ;D). But so much is not how it was *supposed* to be. I yell at my kids. I tell them they are driving me nuts. I don't sweep the rug for a week at a time some weeks. My toilets often have a ring. We watch more than 30 minutes of tv a day. We don't go outside when it's too cold. I drink WAY too much coffee. I let my kids steal sips of my soda and pretend I don't see.
And there went my inking, deciding, planning and knowing. Out the window like an unwanted house fly. I am not going to win "Mother-of-the-year". The coveted prize that I was a shoe-in to win back in the "planning stages". I was supposed to have that trophy year after year. Instead I have a dirty clothes line with wrinkled "runner up" ribbons. I thought that would disappointment me. I thought the perfectionist in me wouldn't allow for such an epic fail. Instead I proudly will display my ribbons for all to see.
1st Runner up isn't all that bad.