Life with Coco and Gigi... and Jack-Jack too!

Life as a Mom, A Homesteader, A Blogger and A Wife.

No control

After the girls were born and we found ourselves in the NICU (which we tried so very hard to avoid) I remember this overwhelming sadness. Some of it was the hormones. Probably a lot of it. But some of it was the lack of control. I hating that when I held my babies or tried to feed them we were surrounded by wires and tubes and machines and nurses who told us what to do. Most of the time I found the nurses and staff so amazing. They helped when we needed help and they supported when we needed support. It was just the fact that we needed the help. A family wants to have their baby (or babies), take them home and begin their lives. Instead we found ourselves bound by the NICU and it's habits and rituals... not our own.

Recently I have found myself feeling some of that same sadness. No parent really has control. I have begun to accept the fact that I have very little. What bothers me right now is that instead of being able to address the girls issues on our own with our own parenting style we must rely on therapists and doctors and protocols. They have issues that create a situation where we can't "parent" it away. Instead we have to use documented strategies provided for us by other people. It is so frustrating.

I feel like I should know what to do. I should know how to handle my own kids without needing a behavioralist. I should be able to use typical parenting strategies not brushes and joint compressions and behavioral techniques. I should be able to rely on SOME of what I read in all those parenting books. This part I would definitely change if I could.

2 comments:

ferfischer 1:23 PM  

true - we have no control. kind of. but it's also really the way you look at it. i've found that looking at our doctors, nurses, case managers, therapists and everything as a village for our entire family raising our kids helps my perspective a bit. i've given up a lot of "my" ideas and doing things "my way" in favor of a team approach. it's a blessing, I think, because as they get older, typical or not, this is the way it is. so build the best village you can!

Kristen 2:36 PM  

F - That is very true. On a good day I AM able to see it that way. There are just some days... :D

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Over 8 years we have struggled through 3 IUI's, 6 rounds of IVF, several RE's, hundreds of appointments and the loss of three little angels. Now we find ourselves the proud parents of two perfect little girls and a wonderful little boy!!

Both of our girls struggle with some disabilities but that won't keep us down. Each day has it's own brand of insanity but we love it. Most days I am more monkey wrangler than mother but I do the best I can. Todays goal - getting to tomorrow.

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