In so many ways I cannot believe I find myself where I am AGAIN. In my lifetime I have spent a grand total of five years trying to get and stay pregnant. Along the way we have suffered more tests than I can count, three failed IUI's, five cycles of IVF, the loss of two babies and more heartache than I can quantify. And here I am again.
We entered into this most recent cycle with a much more laid back perspective. Now that we have two kids it's different. The stress is lower. The expectations are different. We had hoped to end up with a baby but were also okay if that isn't what happened. The laid back perspective has quickly been eliminated... and I am so disappointed. I had so hoped to have an easier experience. Either be pregnant or not be pregnant. Get the news and move on.
Now I don't know which end is up. Another set of twins was the first shocker. Then one of the twins is measuring well behind the other. Now extremely low numbers (when I had very high numbers with the girls) and I am not sure what the heck is going on. I am having strong cramps fairly regularly. I just don't know what to think. It's only a few more days and we might get a better picture of what is going on. Maybe not.
I just didn't expect to find myself back in this position again. I guess you really can't ever tell what the future holds until you're there. My only hope is that on Wednesday we have slightly more answers... not just more questions. We'll see...