Life with Coco and Gigi... and Jack-Jack too!

Life as a Mom, A Homesteader, A Blogger and A Wife.

Morning, noon and night

For the past few days I've tried like mad to NOT think (24 hours a damn day) about what's going on in my uterus. Needless to say it's not working. There are so many "strikes" against us right now that I feel like I have to prepare myself for what might be. Low progesterone levels (that continue to fall), very small gestational sacs, slow growth, slowly rising hcg, no pregnancy symptoms... It seems like the cards are stacked against me.

The surprising thing is that I am more okay with the thought of losing them than I expected. I have had two early losses before and they devastated me. I guess the fact that we have two kids makes it so different. I also know that it's easy to sit here and say I'm okay... Nothing has happened yet.

For right now it's the not knowing that's killing me. Will we be a family of 4 or 5 or 6 when this is all said and done? Am I preparing for a twin pregnancy or just one or none? I am sick of not knowing. Again I'm praying that Wednesday morning will bring some answers. No matter what the answers are I am ready to start moving forward.

1 comments:

Dani 6:35 PM  

I'm thinking about you and praying that everything turns out ok. I've been down that road before, and it seems like you have too. Not fun. Keep your head up! You have two very beautiful children!

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Over 8 years we have struggled through 3 IUI's, 6 rounds of IVF, several RE's, hundreds of appointments and the loss of three little angels. Now we find ourselves the proud parents of two perfect little girls and a wonderful little boy!!

Both of our girls struggle with some disabilities but that won't keep us down. Each day has it's own brand of insanity but we love it. Most days I am more monkey wrangler than mother but I do the best I can. Todays goal - getting to tomorrow.

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