For the past few days I've tried like mad to NOT think (24 hours a damn day) about what's going on in my uterus. Needless to say it's not working. There are so many "strikes" against us right now that I feel like I have to prepare myself for what might be. Low progesterone levels (that continue to fall), very small gestational sacs, slow growth, slowly rising hcg, no pregnancy symptoms... It seems like the cards are stacked against me.
The surprising thing is that I am more okay with the thought of losing them than I expected. I have had two early losses before and they devastated me. I guess the fact that we have two kids makes it so different. I also know that it's easy to sit here and say I'm okay... Nothing has happened yet.
For right now it's the not knowing that's killing me. Will we be a family of 4 or 5 or 6 when this is all said and done? Am I preparing for a twin pregnancy or just one or none? I am sick of not knowing. Again I'm praying that Wednesday morning will bring some answers. No matter what the answers are I am ready to start moving forward.
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1 comments:
I'm thinking about you and praying that everything turns out ok. I've been down that road before, and it seems like you have too. Not fun. Keep your head up! You have two very beautiful children!
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