I think some of it hit me today. Christmas is going to be rough... my Dad probably won't be home. We're not going to Disneyworld. My Dad is really sick. The next six months are going to suck. While my Mom takes care of my Dad I have three kids to look after and make sure their mental health stays intact. I am battling to make sure everyone feels "included" in "helping" but some days I don't have the energy to play that game. It's ten times easier to take care of the kids myself since it's something I do regularly. (Having the big kids at my house is NORMAL... they're used to be here all the time.)
I think I'm just tired. I am doing my best to take care of myself. I am taking advantage of the people who are willing to help without strings attached. I am doing my best to get rest. I am trying to make sure my Mom is taking care of herself. Being a caregiver is tough.
My cousin Blaise was diagnosed with leukemia back in September. While I "watched" my cousin battle with this shitty disease I thought I got it. When I talked to his sister (who is a dear friend and cousin) I thought I understood what their family was dealing with. I had no clue.
Please pray for my Dad and for my cousin. Pray for strength and wisdom and health. Pray that their doctors know what they are doing. Pray that the holidays are not a complete disaster. I think prayers are what keep us all going most days.