I have been thinking today about how after the initial slam of my sister announcing her pregnancy things have settled down a little. I was very surprised to find that the sky did not crash on my head and no pigs flew by my window that evening (although I only stood and watched for them briefly). Things settled into a new normal. My sister gets to have another kid. She might not give a crap about the two she has but God has decided that she gets to do it again. Ok, I have to live with that... or at least try to find a way to... for now I chose not speaking to her.
Anyway, so it's oddly quiet. It's as if no birds are chirping and the wind stopped whipping and the sky looks oddly calm. It's like those few moment when you know that it is gonna be a bad one but you enjoy the odd calm anyway. I know that custody of the boys will be an issue. I know that her pregnancy will be a long and drama filled time for my family. I know that she is expecting us to act as if her out-of-wedlock (don't burn me for that one... just venting), third "baby daddy", no plans for the future pregnancy is a good thing; and I just can't. I know life is about to get very muddy. The wave is coming hard and it's my job to make sure these kids don't get swept away in the current.
I have to find a way to use this calm to prepare for what's ahead. To mentally be ready for what ammunition is going to come my way. To find a way to smile and be pleasant enough that I am not the reason she denies my parents the boys precious custody. It ain't gonna be easy but anything worth having never is.
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2 comments:
Wow, I can only imagine how tough that must be. I've gone through similar situations where friends (although not quite as hard as family) announce their 2nd/3rd pregnancies, when it really seems like they can't stand the ones they already have. It's a difficult thing for people like us to go through. By no fault of theirs, I'm dreading the possible day when my brother and his fiance announce (sometime in the future) that they are pregnant, and my husband and I have been trying for years with no luck. It makes me cringe just thinking about it.
It is definitely cringe worthy... let me tell you. Kind of makes my skin crawl that life can be so unfair sometimes.
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