The last part

Obviously we decided to do that IVF cycle. We went into it detached and cold. We set ourselves up for failure. We weren't shocked when I responded poorly. We felt no surprise when I hyperstimulated from the meds. We knew it would fail. We protected ourselves from the pain that was looming out there in the distance. It was self-preservation. The cycle went on and we transferred three embryo's hoping that one would stick.

During the two week wait I knew it hadn't worked. I had cramps and felt like the end. I waited it out knowing that this would be the last time. I would not do this ever again. At the end of October in 2006 I was watching the Eagles game. They were losing and I thought to myself ' I am already in a terrible mood from the game so I will take an HPT, see the one line and get it over with.' You can imagine my surprise when I saw that second, very faint line. And the rest, as they say, is history.

What I hope people can take away from this (if they were brave enough to read through this whole weeks posts) is that infertility is not something people "DEAL" with for a short time and they are done. It is something we battle. It is something that ruins marriages. It is something that lands people on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication. It consumes your soul and leaves you numb and alone.

My battle with infertility "ended" in theory the day I had my daughters but to me it will never be the end. It will always be a part of who I am. Battling infertility and dealing with miscarriage changed who I am forever. I can't change that and I think in many ways it makes me a better, more compassionate person. But for so many people their battle will never be over, not even in theory. Make sure to send an extra prayer the way of anyone you know dealing with infertility. Pick up the phone and let them know you love and support them. Be there to listen without criticizing, giving advice or minimizing. Just be there.