For most moms sending their baby to kindergarten is stressful. For many it's the first time they will load them in a bus and wave goodbye (with tears in their eyes). I've done this part already. For parents of twins add the stressor of often having to split your twins up. My kiddos have yet to be split up. Then for parents of twins with one having special needs we add a whole additional level of stress.
The school recommended that Grace attend an integrated kindergarten. This is a kindergarten class with a population 10 general education students and 5 special education students (Grace would be considered special ed because of her ADHD diagnosis). They recommended Abby attend the multiple disabilities kindergarten (MDK). This is an entirely special education population. I was bent on keeping them together for one more year but Graces testing came back well above average so they couldn't justify it (the girl absolutely ROCKED her testing!).
After the school gave us their recommendations they gave us some time to think about how we wanted to proceed. Brian and I did a good bit of soul searching. After a great deal of thought and stress and worry we decided to take the recommendation and split the girls up. :( Probably the hardest part is that Abby will be full day and Grace will be half day. Neither of the girls is happy about it... Neither am I. I guess it shouldn't be such a big deal for all of us but in some weird way it feels very defeating.
These are the moments when it becomes glaringly obvious that the girls playing field is not exactly even. One of our girls is going to excel when it comes to reading and writing and the other is going to struggle. One of our girls makes friends with minimal effort while the other flounders. One can keep up with her peers and the other lags behind. It's painful to watch. It's hard to stand by and parent a child with special needs but having a twin who outlines every single "deficiency" makes it that much tougher. It's a tough pill to swallow.
The silver lining is that we are doing EVERYTHING we can for BOTH of our girls. We are making sure we take care of them as a twin set AND as individuals. It's a fine balancing act and I second guess myself hourly but we're doing it. Just hoping we made the right decisions!
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3 comments:
that's a tough call...is there any way that Abby can be in Grace's class and then receive special tutoring in the afternoon? That probably wouldn't be covered by the school district though. I'm sure it will all work out.
Our twins (b/g) are starting school in the fall, too. Not only will they be split up because M is a typical kid and A is on the spectrum (with ADHD and PDD-NOS), but we're contemplating holding A back so that he can work more on his social skills so they would actually be in different years, rather than just in different classrooms. Since we only just got A's diagnosis, we're also struggling with the school district trying to get them to help us with everything we need to do. Since it's summer, they have been less than responsive. It's been very frustrating.
Anyway, all this to say, I feel your pain. It's hard to balance the twin thing with the individual thing, but, for what it's worth coming from someone whom you've never met, I think you guys are doing an outstanding job.
Sara - That IS a tough one. I don't think the school system gets the fact that as parents we have to find a way to balance each child as an individual as well as they twin "set". Both of those parts of their identity is important!
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